Topic of the MonthEach month, we come up with a topic for users to write something about. It can be a story, poem or essay. All submissions come here directly.
"William, go, please just go,
You're not the one I'd like to show..."
"Show to who, all your friends,
just look down and stare at your hands.
They were yours, blood covering them..."
"How were they mine when you were laughing maniacally?"
"Actually we are us, so we both were laughing, technically."
"Don't be a smart ass, you know what I saying,
I can't even imagine how our thoughts patterns are fraying.
That simple strand of knowledge, splitting at the ends..."
"Oh yea, did I mention, look back down at your hands.
Quite a sight they are, the cuts and red marks there,
Quite a sight it was, that little girl so scared..."
"JUST STOP IT NOW, I can't take it anymore,
You twist things around, pinning me to the floor."
"Don't yell and scream at me you stupid little tot,
You know the truth is I'm all that you've got."
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"Life is like train barreling down the tracks and guess what, it's gonna hit you. You have two choices, you can turn and run from it or pull up a chair, crack open a beer and just watch it come."
Very very smartly done, think this a great take on prompt and nicely executed too. Even the way some rhyme and another doesn’t adds to appeal and overall effect of message portrayed – nice1
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Time; an elusive element to a creative mind. For the story burns to be expressed, flooding the mind, seeking an outlet. Red brimmed eyes and dark circles fore-tells a deeper story, echoed in a mirrors reflection. - my story.
That simple strand of knowledge, spliting at the ends..."
Splitting. Typo there.
Quote:
"Dont yell and scream at me you stupid little tot,
Apostrophe.
I like the form. The dialogues, the internal battle thing… well done there. You have stretched the prompt quite a lot but I think I see where you’re going with this one.
Quote:
I can't even imagine how our thoughts patterns are fraying.
That simple strand of knowledge, splitting at the ends..."
I like the splitting/fraying connection. Good connection made not only within these two lines, but also with the title of your poem. And your last line is very good. The ‘that’ repetition was a little distracting. I’ll be happy to see that changed. But otherwise, very good last line. The meaning behind it is wonderful. Good job, Alex.
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"Life is like train barreling down the tracks and guess what, it's gonna hit you. You have two choices, you can turn and run from it or pull up a chair, crack open a beer and just watch it come."
In my head it would not be began because that kind of sounds like it's past tense when the main character is picturing it as he says it.
I was'nt keeping up with the rhyme, I never do, I was just finding what worked into the idea and changing it to make it sound right. That's what I always do with my poetry.
Thank You for the high rating.
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"Life is like train barreling down the tracks and guess what, it's gonna hit you. You have two choices, you can turn and run from it or pull up a chair, crack open a beer and just watch it come."
Hmmm…not sure on this one. Seems to me, more like a dialogue between personalities that really belongs in a much longer piece. I kinda get your take on the prompt but just not sure about it.
Re: #25 Suit and tie
Linear Mode
